false alarm. still invincible.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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