Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
