I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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