Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
