chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
