I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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