# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
