Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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