Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They have beer where we have blood.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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