So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
