I can text with my tongue
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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