Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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