i wish my penis had a tongue
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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