Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't think brook has ever known best
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I smell like Dick and happiness
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
