And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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