life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
