I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
