but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
