So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
