Who wears a wallet chain?!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
