Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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