after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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