I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
