Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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