NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
