i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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