It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
