If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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