Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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