I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have post one night stand depression
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
