Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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