i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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