she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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