Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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