mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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