My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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