On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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