so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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