Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
