drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
