I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize