i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
