oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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