I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
