those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
