In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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