My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
