What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
