Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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