i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
