we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
