Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
