You're so nebulous sometimes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
