Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am naked and annoyed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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