plz talk dirty to me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
