Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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