I think i peed on brittanys purse
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
