I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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