I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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