Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
