I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
