I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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