you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
