Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
