I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
