my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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