i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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