So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
