he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
