apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
