i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
