Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
