I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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