I hate your face
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
