im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
