ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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